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Is anyone else confused and completely annoyed by award shows? I simply don’t get it. Last week, “Raising Sand” by Robert Plant and Alison Kraus won 5 Grammy Awards. That is in addition to the Grammy that was won by one of the singles on that album (sorry, I’m showing my age again – disc) last year. LAST YEAR! That strikes me as double dipping. I’m not saying that they do not deserve it; I actually like “Raising Sand” a lot, despite the fact that all the songs are covers. The production and musicianship is flawless (as a side note, does it strike anyone as curious that Alison Kraus is almost relegated to a back-up singer role in most of the songs?). And as for movies, the Academy Awards seems to have a calendar that starts on a completely arbitrary day, because when you live under a rock like me, it seems like some movies have been out for years while others seem to have been out for a coffee break. I also am having a huge difficulty with the “red carpet”. In my cynical opinion, who really gives a rat’s ass what so-and-so is wearing. If so-and-so is a female, and she is clearly NOT wearing undergarments, that is another story, and I am completely all for seeing more of that. But for the most part, the people attending these ceremonies are in the business to be noticed, to be photographed, and to inspire conversation. Most of these people would rather have people talk about their outfit and who made it instead of their antics on stage when accepting their awards (does ANYONE remember Slash from Guns N’ Roses dropping F-bombs everywhere during his1990 American Music Awards acceptance speech?). Finally, the fact that there are so many award ceremonies is really annoying too. It almost seems like there’s one a month for the entire year. There’s the Academy Awards, the Grammys, the Emmys, the Golden Globes (which, in my mind, should be an award for something completely different than a good movie), the People’s Choice Awards, the Kid’s Choice Awards, the Video Music Awards, ad nauseum. Perhaps it is because I have never felt special or won an award in my life, but I really think that there are too many award shows, and each and every one of them should be replaced by home improvement and cooking shows. Yeah, I want to see Miley Cyrus grout tile. I want to watch Gwenneth Paltrow making the perfect risotto. Show me Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp rebuilding a Holly four-barrel carburetor from a ’69 Camaro with a big old Hirsch shifter rod. Put those people to work and make them EARN our adulation.

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