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George from Fairfax VA asks “Where does belly button lint come from?”

Well George, I’m glad you asked this silly question. It is a silly question because belly button lint comes from your belly button… DUH!!! BUT, I am guessing you are wondering about how does lint gets to your belly button in the first place. Well George, I’m glad you implied this unasked question.

First of all, what is lint? Lint particles are the suicidal fibers of depressed fabrics. Belly button lint is just the mass graveyard of dead clothing strands that have lost their will to go on. If you are having belly button lint issues, you may want to consider purchasing some happier clothes.

I bet you didn’t know that there was no belly button lint before the 1906 when the electric washing machine was invented by Alva Fisher. Lint is a byproduct of modern washing machines. The lint trap is the killing floor of your washing machines slaughter house. Prior to 1906, lint was merely a few flakes of fabric that fell off over time. clothes lasted much longer because of the different washing techniques.

Many scientists have theorized that your navel also accumulates lint as a natural instinctive protection for an innie belly button. The outie belly button is the erect penis of the abdomen and doesn’t need as much protection. Most people with outies are unconsciously compelled to be proud of their nudist minuet phallus. People with innies are subconsciously worried about the safety of their belly button and are more likely to fixate on it.

You might be wondering “would a belly button ring help keep lint out?” It would depend on the piercing. Some piercings will act like a hockey stick and defend the umbilicus. Other piercings will only exacerbate the lint sucking blackhole effect.

So, what can you do to keep belly button lint away:

• Again… buy and wear happier clothes.
• Fill your belly button with hot candle wax. Once the wax has cooled, it will act as a protective barrier.
• Duct Tape
• Ants and mice can be trained to regularly sweep the area clean. In both cases, it is a win-win symbiotic relationship.
• Plastic surgery to completely remove your belly button. No belly button = no lint.
• An underpants octopus has been known to eat belly button lint but only if its tentacles can reach the belly button.
• Miniature leaf blower tucked down the front of your pants.
• Utilize a backhoe.

So, what do you do with your belly button lint?

“Ask DaVe” is an advice and Q&A column for all of our readers. I do my best to answer all of your questions. If you don’t know what to do, if you want my opinion on something, if you want to know something about me, or if you just want to know… please write to me at FupDuckTV[at]gmail[dot]com or leave a comment. As always, include your name and where you are from.

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