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Amber from La Grange TX asks, “Do you have any predictions for 2010?”

Well Amber, I am glad you asked this question. There are some obvious predictions that any idiot can make… Some famous people will die, certain people will be on reality TV series, some country will declare war, violence will happen somewhere and natural disasters will happen. I do have some predictions for 2010 and I would like to share them with all of you:

• The San Diego Chargers will win Super Bowl XLIV.
• Michael Jackson will release at least one new song in 2010.
• Anthropologists researching the ancient Mayan Calendar, will discover that they forgot to carry a number and the world will now end in 2016. Can someone please let John Cusack know so that he can start working on the sequel to 2012.
• At least two of President Obama’s Cabinet Members will step down in 2010.
• Getting voted off the island takes a whole new meaning as Somali pirates will attack the filming Survivor 21. CBS will recieve their highest ratings ever as they continue to film. The Finale will have the remaining three contestants rescued by ninjas.
• The 2010 Winter Olympics will be marred by a nude ski jumper.
• Tiger Woods will return to golf (and mistresses (but he’ll be much better at hiding them))
• The Detroit Tigers will win the 2010 World Series.
• Letter openers will return to popularity.
• Music CD’s will start to be phased out of many retail stores.
• Wide spread computer viruses will be unleashed upon and target Apple Users.
• Facebook will continue to be the #1 social networking website, but a new unreleased social networking site will come on the scene that will quickly steal Facebook market share.
• I will wear a pink sweater (against my will) at some point during 2010.
• FupDuckTV.com will continue to be entertaining and provocative.

Lets check back on Dec 31st 2010 to see how many I got right. Do you have any predictions for 2010?

“Ask DaVe” is an advice and Q&A column for all of our readers. I do my best to answer all of your questions. If you don’t know what to do, if you want my opinion on something, if you want to know something about me, or if you just want to know… please write to me at FupDuckTV[at]gmail[dot]com or leave a comment. As always, include your name and where you are from.

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This marks the 300th published posting from FupDuckTV.com. It is quite a landmark achievement considering this blog currently makes no money, has no advertising budget, no salary, is 100% volunteer and has only a handful of contributors.

FupDuckTV was started back in January 2008 as a Blog and Video Webcast by DaVe and M!dd13m4n. We’ve done our best to entertain ourselves first, but also our readers and our viewers. We’ve tried to keep our topics entertaining and current. Sometimes we succeed; sometimes we miss the mark.

To date we have had almost 37,000 visitors and over 125,000 pages viewed (this doesn’t include those internet bot spiders that Google, Bing and Yahoo use). Right now, we are averaging over 8000 visitors and 20,000 page views per month. That is amazing!

So far, we’ve not been sued for plagiarism, trademark violations, copyright infringement, slander or libel. That is an accomplishment in itself. We have come really close a few times, but who hasn’t received a cease and desist letter or two in their lives.

Thank you to all of our loyal readers that have been with use since the beginning. Thank you to our new readers as well. If you came upon our blog by accident, thank you too.

Remember to tell your friends about what you saw or read on FupDuckTV.com. You can also be our Facebook friend as well.

We hope year three of FupDuckTV.com will bring some good changes. We are always open to suggestions on how to make our slice of the internet better. Feel free to drop us a line or leave a comment. We want to hear from you.

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On Christmas ‘09, a Nigerian born man attempted to blow up a flight between Amsterdam and Detroit with a small explosive sewn into his underwear. Similar to the Shoe-Bomber, he has now been dubbed the Knicker-Bomber or the Panty-Bomber. Thankfully the only person injured was the bomber. He will now be poked with sharp sticks regularly until he dies in prison.

The TSA has implemented new regulations to prevent such an event from occurring again. Some of these regulations include no standing during flights (hello heart attacks), no one using the restroom an hour before landing (this could be problematic) and nothing covering your lap during the flight (bye-bye in-flight under-blanket handjobs from the hot blonde sitting next to you). I really don’t see these as effective solutions, but I’m sure someone feels safer with these measures in place.

The media has held much debate over should be done to prevent a successful attack from being perpetrated. Most of the discussion has been around new technology to detect the devices prior to getting on the airplane; better metal detectors, better luggage sniffing devices or full body scanners (my doctor doesn’t know me this intimately).

One of the most powerful and effective tools against terrorism is the bomb-sniffing dog. Trained K-9’s regularly sniff luggage for explosives (or illegal drugs). Unfortunately, they tend not to let the dogs sniff the passengers; people get too scared by dogs. I think they need to change this practice. Those dogs should be sniffing everyone’s crotch before a flight.

I have some suggestions on how to improve security on domestic and international travel:

• That TSA agent that checks your ticket and ID with that special blue light before you are even allowed to get into a screening isle should have a bomb sniffing dog sitting right next to him. Make the most effective tool your first line of defense.
• Most airports that I have been to have very long hallways. There is a technology that uses “sniffers” (airborne chemical smelling devices) to scan entire hallways at once. If they detect something, you lockdown the entire hallway and do a more thorough search. Implement chemical smelling hallways.
• Every seat should have parachutes built into them. In the unfortunately event that a bomb does go off, those that survive the explosion will be able to survive the fall from the sky as well.
• I seem to remember reading an article about a body & face-detection software that could infer “malicious intent” from your facial expressions and body language. I think they were using these at Casinos to find cheaters. Put these in-place in airports.
• Pump sleeping gas into the cabin during flights. Only the flight attendants will be allowed to wear gas-masks. Passengers wouldn’t even need to be completely knocked out, just twilighted like for out-patient surgery. New career field: In-Flight Anesthesiologists.



• Fly more privately run airplanes. Corporate airplanes don’t mess with security screening procedures. You just board and go. Widely privatize air travel again an let the airlines protect their own planes with their own measures.
• Require people to fly naked. If you wanna go where we’re going, you gotta follow our rules.
• Make each chair it’s own self contained bombproof receptacle. Basically ship people as freight.
• Bomb Sniffing Tigers!!! If you have a bomb, the tiger mauls you!

So, what do you think? What will it take to make air travel completely safe?

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Hopefully everyone had an enjoyable Christmas Holiday weekend with Friends and Family. If you are anything like me, you are stuffed to the gills, now 20lbs overweight and slightly disappointed in the whole holiday experience. Screw Christmas… bring on 2010 and the New Year.

Well, hold up there… not so fast. There are still a few things left to do with Christmas. The lights need to be taken down, the decorations need to be put away and gift giving experience need to be evaluated. It isn’t the end of the holiday until you have reviewed the gifts you gave and received. So as the Christmas season wraps up, we are left to reflect on the remains of the holiday.

So what did you get this year? For me this was one of my better years as far as giving was concerned. Damned be the price tags. If I thought you’d like it, I got it for you. It feels good to give. I’m sure my credit card statement will snap me back to reality in the near future.

I must have been naughty this year cause my stockings were a little bare this year. It was more than a lump of coal, but less than a new puppy. Some socks, some underwear and some trinkets. Without sounding too cliché, I was just happy giving gifts this year.

I learned a long time ago, when you reach a certain age, if you want to be guaranteed a good gift you need to buy it yourself. Most of the really good gifts are more expensive than most of your friends and relatives are willing to spend on you anyways. This way you are never disappointed with the gifts you received.

My father gave quite possibly the funniest, but most spectacularly crappy gift of all times to my mother. As the Christmas gift exchange drew to a close, my mother was left with one final gift. This gift stood out because it was heavy for its size and poorly wrapped (my sister tends to wrap my father’s gifts for him; this one was obviously not wrapped by her). No one had any idea about what was in the gift except for my father who was grinning ear to ear. My mother proceeded to open the present only to begin laughing herself. In side the package was three books… three LIBRARY BOOKS. My father had picked up some books that my mother had asked to be reserved and as a joke he wrapped them as a present. We all laughed until we cried.

Have you ever received a crappy gift? What is the worst gift you received this year (or in past years)?

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As Christmas quickly approaches, my pile of received Christmas cards has steadily grown to a respectable stack of correspondence. Unfortunately for all those that sent me cards, I did not send anything in return. I had every intention of sending out cards this year, but as many of you know… life gets in the way sometimes. Hopefully next year I will get some sent out on time.

I received all sorts of cards this year. Some had children sledding down a hill, some cards had Christmas trees and others had winter shapes and designs. Most of the cards I received said Merry Christmas, but a few had Happy Holidays or Seasons Greetings. I did not receive any Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or Festivus cards this year.

I am not a fan of the Happy Holidays or the Seasons Greetings well wish. Pick a holiday and stand by it. If you celebrate Hanukkah, let me know. If you wanna wish me a happy Ramadan, send that message. The Politically Correct bull shit of a generic greeting really sucks. I’m actually more offended by your attempt to please everyone.

One thing I noticed this year more than past years are printed “year in review” letter inside. “Joanne got married”, “Billy lost is front teeth”, “Susan lost her virginity” and “Linda was arrested for public indecency”. Some people don’t like the family “year in review” letter others think it is a touching way to quickly catch up. I LOVE the “year in review” letter but only on one condition… You must put a hand written one or two line note to personalize the letter. If you don’t put the personal touch on it, why sent it at all to that particular person.

While writing this, I just realized that I have not posted a “FupDuckTV year in review” letter. Check back next week for our year in review article.

Thank you everyone for all the cards you sent this year. Despite what I’ve said in this particular article, all of the cards are all appreciated. I’m still waiting on some Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan and Festivus cards.

Merry Christmas to all of you!!!

Tags: Rant by DaVe
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