Happy Halloween!!!
Happy Halloween from FupDuckTV and The Today Show…
I have it from a good source that the midgets in the Ewok costumes were stone drunk before shooting this segment.
FupDuckTV
Social commentary for the masses.
Ask DaVe: Unrequited Love?
Trixie from Anderson, SC asks, “There’s a guy that I’ve been hanging out with several times a week for the couple months. He says he is dating someone, but yet he is always free to meet me whenever I ask. What’s up with that? I want this to be more than just friends. Does this guy seriously just want to be friends only or what?”
Well Trixie, I am glad you asked this question. So many women (and men) get stuck in the “just wants to be friends” situation. The dreaded F-Word, FRIENDS. It is the bane of lusting and love-struck women and men alike. “Friends” is the audible cock-block called when a horned-up linebacker is coming to violate an unwary quarterback (quasi-football analogy).
Your situation has a name; it is called Unrequited Love. The term is used when one person has strong feelings towards another that are not reciprocated. You want it, but the other person doesn’t. We’ve all been there and it never ends pretty.
Unrequited Love has been the topic of too many Hollywood movies that it isn’t funny anymore: Some Kind of Wonderful, Made of Honor, Just Friends, 13 Going On 30 and He’s Just Not That Into You… The list goes on and on. Most of these movies have happy endings where the friends become lovers and it all works out. I call foul on Hollywood. Successfully converting friends to lovers is almost as difficult as Dating a Waitress.
Unrequited lovers are often like a Christmas gift. We want that special gift with all our heart for a few months, until you can’t take it any more. But once you get that gift and get the wrapping paper off, two weeks later you no longer play with the toy and you might even be more interested in the box it came it.
Unrequited love can cause people to do some crazy things: send dozens of roses to someone on Valentine’s Day professing unknown affections and desires, awkward forced kisses on a couch OR a women getting her love-target drunk and having a drunken night of uninhibited sex with this friend (Socially acceptable for a woman to get a guy drunk for sex… I call foul – Double Standard, two shots from the free-throw line). If you don’t control your efforts to pursue unrequited love, you could quickly start drifting into stalker territory. That can lead to cops and restraining orders… Not pretty.
For those of you looking to actually make the jump from friends to lovers, I do have some cautionary advice. I say cautionary cause the best advice I can give you is WALK AWAY and just be friends. BUT, if you are going to ignore that advice, you’ll need to know how to go from Friends to Lovers:
- Be Subtle - Start with small gestures to get this persons attention. Giant displays of undying love will be huge turn offs.
- Drop Hints – Make passing comments about “if we were dating” or “its too bad we are just friends”.
- Test the Waters – Go ahead and give hugs and small pecks on the cheek. Slowly those can turn into big lasting hugs and kisses on the lips. It are those gestures than can be a catalyst for change.
- Go Slow – If it is meant to be, it will be. If your goal is a relationship, then that person will be there for you.
- Do Couples Activities –
Put yourself into situations that are normally reserved for dating couples: movies together (just you two), be his date to a wedding, over-night vacations together, concerts. The more one on one activities the better. Group activities will bring the “friends” status right back to square one. - Have a Plan – Set some goals for yourself. “Tonight I am going to kiss her on the cheek.” You need to psych yourself up for some of this stuff.
- Alcohol – Alcohol lowers your inhibitions and lets you be more free to act. Remember to not over do it. No one wants a sloppy drunk (until the 4th date).
- Tip ‘Em Off – Childish, but this does work. Have a friend tell your target that you are interested in being more than just friends. “Hey Johnny! Did you know that Susan has a crush on you and wants your friendship to be more than just friends.”
- Sabotage – I’m not proud of this, but make sure your target stays single. You need to subtlely sabotage any potential relationships from happening. Be cautious with this one. If you get caught doing this, you will not have your lover or friend.
- No When To Walk Away – I go back to my original advice. Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be.
My advice to you Trixie, stop trying to force a relationship. Step back from the relationship pursuit. Be happy with ‘just friends’. Sometimes it is a good thing to have a good friend of the opposite sex. If he doesn’t find you attractive or see how special you are, he’s probably not worth it as a boyfriend. Easier said than done, I know.
“Ask DaVe” is an advice and Q&A column for all of our readers. I do my best to answer all of your questions. If you don’t know what to do, if you want my opinion on something, if you want to know something about me, or if you just want to know… please write to me at FupDuckTV[at]gmail[dot]com or leave a comment. As always, include your name and where you are from.
Things You Don’t Want To Hear In The Bathroom
Here are few phrases you never want to hear while you are in a public bathroom:
- Does this look infected?
- Saaayyyy…. Nice Penis!
- Don’s cross the streams!
- Help! I’m stuck!
- Excuse me… can we share a stall?
- Can you hand me my toilet paper whiping wand?
- Brrrr, this water is cold.
- Oh God! There is sooo much blood!
- Will you hold my hand?
- No… You’re doing it all wrong.
- I don’t remember eating THAT!
- Can I hold that for you?
- Peek-a-boo! I see you!
- Oops, I’ve run out of film.
- Oh God! Is that a maggot?
- CANNONBALL!!!! *Splash*
- Wow, look at the size of that thing!
- Can you slide my underwear back under the door?
- *Tap Tap Tap* You can call me Senator Craig.
- Sir, this isn’t a bathroom!
Can you think of other things you never want to hear in a bathroom?
Ask DaVe: Ex-Girlfriend
John from Albany NY asks “Why does my girlfriend not like my ex-girlfriend who I’m still friends with?”
Well John, I am glad you asked this question. There are so many problems with this scenario, it is hard to know where to begin. You’ve got trouble on your hands in a big way, but I’m going to help you through this situation.
I applaud your ability to stay friends with an ex-girlfriend. That is something that I have only managed to accomplish once or twice myself. Most girls that discover that you’ve just been using them for sex or that you’ve been sleeping with their sister typically don’t want to continue talking with you, let alone see you at all. Girls are kind of sensitive about that sort of thing.
Girlfriends by nature are a jealous and territorial bunch. She can not handle you deriving happiness from any other source other than her. Even if you go out with your guy friends, she LET you go out with them; therefore she is still the source of happiness even when out with the guys. Ultimately, she wants to be the source of your happiness.
If there is any another woman supplying any form of happiness to you other than her, obviously you are cheating on her (at least that is what she thinks). The movie When Harry Met Sally explained to us that men and women can’t just be friends (“You pretty much wanna nail them too”).
Yes, I am stereotyping women and their responses to these situations, but stereotypes exist for a reason. Maybe some of our female readers can transcend this stereotype, but I’m guessing most won’t.
The way I see it John, you have three ways this can work out for you. The first two are cut & dry, but the third option is a bit more tricky:
- You can stop talking to your ex (or at least tone it down). You broke up with her once before, how hard can it be the second time? Even if it is just the appearance of spending less time with her and thinking about her, you ultimately will make your girlfriend much happier by just ending it.
- You can break up with your current girlfriend. Do you really want to be with a woman that is that controlling? She should not be able to dictate who your friends are. There are plenty of other fish in the sea; cut her loose.
- You can try to make it work with both of them. It is possible to be both friends with the ex and still date your girlfriend. This is very tough to do, but it can be done.
You need to convince your girlfriend that the ex is just a friend and you would hope that she could trust you enough to let you be friends with your ex (even if it is a load of horse shit). Try the phrase, “if it is important to me, it should be important to you.” or “I haven’t asked you to stop being friends with _____.” You can suggest that your current girlfriend tries to be friends with her as well, but this is extremely dangerous. Instead of two girls that think you are fun and cool, you could end up with two seriously pissed of ladies that will never let you touch either of them.
If you are a god among men, you might be able to convince the two of them to join you in a three-way. What guy hasn’t fantasized about being with two women and we all know that most women are 2 or 3 strong drinks away from a bisexual experience (again, another stereotype). This is the trickiest maneuver of all; you could end up with two lesbian ex-girlfriends.Some other suggestions include mass amounts of alcohol, lying, guilt trips and general deviousness. But if you want your girl and your friend (even platonically), you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.
Ultimately, you need to reflect on your relationship with both women. Why are you friends with them? Do they make you happy? Are they good in bed? All important questions.
So what do you think? Guys, does your girlfriend say who and who you can’t be friends with? Girls, are you ok with your boyfriend being friends with his ex? What if the shoe is on the other foot? Guys, are you ok with your girlfriend being friends with her hunky ex-boyfriend?
“Ask DaVe” is an advice and Q&A column for all of our readers. I do my best to answer all of your questions. If you don’t know what to do, if you want my opinion on something, if you want to know something about me, or if you just want to know… please write to me at FupDuckTV[at]gmail[dot]com or leave a comment.
Calling in Dead
I have noticed over my multiple years in the corporate world that different companies handle sick leave differently. There are tons of different policies with each company doing things just a little differently.
The worst is being sick when you are an hourly worker. If you are out sick, you just don’t get paid. And if you miss too much work, they might fire you which means a trip to the Doctor regardless of how minor the illness.
Some companies just have personal leave. One pile of leave hours for both vacation and sick time. This makes it kind of tough to plan vacations… for example, you have five days of leave and you plan a week long vacation. The week before you leave town, you get sick for two days. So much for your week long vacation…. *pout*
Some companies give you vacation day and a separate pool of sick days. This is the best possible scenario. It is like double the leave. I actually worked at a company that sick days were unlimited and on your honor. The honor system is ripe for mild-abuse. Four to six sick days a year outta do it.
Some companies want you to bring in doctor’s notes for every missed day. There is nothing worse that feeling like crap, then having to dig yourself out of bed, go to the doctor only to have him say “you need rest”. I could have told you that!!!
Sick Days are a great way to take off days that your boss has previously denied your vacation on. They can’t stop you from calling in sick… “I’m sorry Bob, despite your 104 degree fever, I still need you to come into the office.” No boss in their right mind would do this.
Every once in a while, your boss will want to know what is wrong with you. He’s fishing for the “you’re faking it” disease such as “I have a headache” or “my stomach is upset”. I’ve discovered that if you tell your boss that my might have something horrifically embarrassing, he’s more than likely never to question you EVER again. If you are looking for some suggestions, you can’t go wrong with weird things happening with your genitals. Sorry, boss “my penis has been dripping blood for a couple hours now and it really burns” or “my erection has lasted for four and a half hours and I’m going to go see a doctor.” Women have some special ones they can use to. Menstrual craps is the golden ticket (specially if your boss is a man). If your boss is a woman, you might have to get more creative.
I like to call into the office with made-up illnesses such as spotted leopard fever (the endangered fever), harping cough, chiclets (kinda like rickets, but tastier) or browncowngitist (Moooooo). “My doctor thinks I might have the Tony Danza Disorder”.
I have always wanted to call in sick from a loud and crowded bar with a really upbeat and cheery inflection in my voice. “Hey Boss! I’m not feeling good today. I don’t think I can make it in today. *fake cough* Hopefully I can make it in tomorrow. Take care.” Maybe win I win the lottery I’ll try this.
Maybe someone can answer this for me, if you work in the medical profession can you call in with an accounting emergency?
Being sick (not faking) is never fun. You feel achy and you just don’t have any energy. I’ve been told that this years flu season is going to be extra nasty. Try to stay healthy this winter.
How does your company handle sick leave? Have you ever taken a “mental health” day?
Adult Trading Cards
As a kid, I was very big in to Trading Cards. I had shoeboxes full of cards. Baseball Cards are probably the most common trading cards that you hear about, but there are tons of different types out there: Football, Basketball, Hockey and even movie-based trading cards. Back in the day, a pack of cards only cost a dollar, the package had ten to fifteen cards inside and they usually have a stick of gum in the back for good measure. You traded them with your friends and collected your favorite players. Just all around good fun.
As an adult, I’ve discovered that mainly collectors are the only adults that are still buying trading cards. No one does it just for fun any more. It is a multimillion dollar business and professional traders have sucked the life out of collecting. Some collectors will pay upwards $10,000 for certain cards (none I own of course). With prices that high, only the seriously rich can ever achieve the super rare cards. What is a person to do?
As my interest in commercially marketed trading cards has faded, my attention has been focused on a completely different type of trading card, Business Cards. The business card is the new trading card; an adult trading card. If you have ever been to a business meeting with a new vendor or customer, the first thing everyone does is pass out their business cards. You see how many different ones you can get. It is a visual and tangible reminder of who you are meeting with. I have discovered that I now have stacks and stacks of business cards of people I have met and done business with. They are my new trading card.
Some people go so far as to use a Social Calling Card. This was more common in the 19th and early 20th centuries, but is finding its way into the 21st century as well. You can use a calling card to introduce yourself to people, reconnect with old friends and classmates, and for personal networking.
We have FupDuckTV.com business cards that we pass out to fans of the website. If you would like one, please send us your address and we will happily send a couple out to you. Pass them out to your friends. Leave them in a public place. We love passing out our cards.
Do you have a business card or social calling card? Do you collect the cards of colleagues?