FupDuckTV

The gigantic rubber duck by artist Florentijn Hofman. The photos are a over-size rubber duck in the harbor of Hasselt, Belgium. It is 12 x 14 x 16 meters. Florentijn Hofman said: “The Rubber Duck knows no frontiers, it doesn’t discriminate people and doesn’t have a political connotation. The friendly, floating Rubber Duck has healing properties: it can relieve mondial tensions as well as define them. The rubber duck is soft, friendly and suitable for all ages!” That is one huge fupping duck.

Tags: Images by DaVe
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This week we are featuring Bernadett Matassa. She is originally from Hungry, but is not living here in the United States. We discovered her in www.flexonline.com’s bikini model search. She has modeled for fitness and fashion magazines.

DaVe: Which fitness guru would win in a fight, Chuck Norris or Billy Blanks?
Bernadett: Chuck Norris

DaVe: What is your favorite drink to get FupDuck (drunk) on?
Bernadett: Vodka, no ice

DaVe: We’re dying to know, how tall are you? (Any other measurements you want to throw our way…)
Bernadett: 5′4″ 34-22-32

DaVe: Do you have a favorite or lucky pair of underwear (or outfits)?
Bernadett: I have a “Mean Bunny” booty short! Love it!!

DaVe: What is the hardest workout you’ve ever completed?
Bernadett: It’s called “double stack”… I think it’s talk for itself…

DaVe: What is the craziest thing you’ve done while drunk?
Bernadett: Jumped in the pool…with no clothes on…having about 50 people around..I thought they might follow me…

DaVe: We noticed that you have a few tattoos. Can you tell us a little more about your ink? Any special meanings?
Bernadett: My tattoos are all non figure.I have two dragons and two wings. I love fantasy that’s why I have these symbols.

DaVe: We understand you are married, but do you have a dating horror story from when you were single?
Bernadett: I do…I had a date when I was a teenager. Of course we loved to eat chips. (onion flavor) I had my first kiss,the guy tasted the onion and he almost run away!!!I never felt more embarrassed in my whole life…

I want to thank Bernadett Matassa for her time and great answers to our questions. You can check out more photo’s and other information on her website: BernadettMatassa.com. You can also keep up with Bernadett on her Facebook Fanpage. I think she is seriously hot and can’t wait to see more of her work

Tags: FDTV's Eye Candy by DaVe
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Jason from Miamisburg OH asks, “I have been going to the same Sonic Drive-Up Restaurant almost every day for 3 straight weeks. There is an insanely hot roller-skating server working there. What is the best way to ask out a waitress?”

Well Jason, I am glad you asked this question. This is an age-old question that has been around since the first restaurant and the invention of waitresses. Picking up a waitress is one of the most difficult manly-achievements known to man. Waitresses have many natural built-in defense mechanisms against guys like you. You want their number and they want a nice tip.

Most restaurants are managed by male-chauvinistic pigs (I’ve actually never been a restaurant manager, despite what you might think). These managers hire hot young attractive women (when they can) and they train them to flirt. The hotter the waitress, the larger the tips. The more they flirt, the larger the tips. The larger the tips, the less salary the restaurant has to pay her.

The average man has less than a thousand to one odds of scoring her phone number, let alone a single first date. Lucky for you, I am not the average man and I will share with you some of the secrets of picking up a waitress.

So how do you ask out a waitress?

Flirt with them, but flirt with a purpose. You have maybe three or four face-to-face interactions with her to close the deal (even fewer with drive-up service). Tactical Small Talk is your secret to information gathering. Find out if this girl is married or dating someone. Find out what they like to do when they aren’t working. Find out what time they get off work. What time she gets off can be the green-light conversation point to setting up that first meeting outside of the server / patron situation.

Be confident, but not cocky. If you are sheepish and shy, she will see dollar signs in her eyes and start milking you for bigger tips. If you are rude and cocky, she’ll be lucky to talk to you at all other than “What would you like?” If she see’s confidence and charm, she is more likely to look past you as just a customer. This is the target zone…. the More Than Just a Customer zone.

Visit her restaurant frequently, but don’t become a “regular”… You don’t have to always sit in her section, but make a point to say hi to her. Maybe even make some small talk. Remember to smile.

Know her name and make sure she knows yours. First name basis is a way to get you into the More Than Just a Customer zone.

Use other waitresses as ways to gather information on the girl you are trying to date. These servers have to work together and they share stories. Only pursue one waitress at a time.

Tip her well, but don’t over tip. Keep it between 15% and 25%. If you start dropping 40% tips, she’s going to think you are trying to buy her. We’re back to her milking you for tips.

Be forward, but not creepy. If you want to go out with her, tell her that.

Have a plan. When it comes time to asking her out, be detail oriented and make your request authoritative. WRONG WAY – “So, you wanna like maybe go out with me sometime?” Wishy-washy and no details. RIGHT WAY – “I am getting tickets to that . Why don’t I pick you up on Saturday at 6pm. It’ll be fun.” This way you’ve answered the who, what, where, when and why.

Be persistent, but don’t be a pest. Just because she told you no today, doesn’t mean it will be no next week. Try a few times, but again Don’t Be Creepy. If she really isn’t interested in you, the more times you ask, the more she will reach for her can of mace.

If she agrees to go out, follow through with it. Don’t be wishy-washy. Cancel every plan you have to make that date. You might not get a second chance.

This advice applies to waitresses as well as bartenders, even some strippers. There are a few things to watch for when dating a waitress. Waitresses are constantly being hit on by other men; make sure you are OK with that if you want something more long-term. Waitresses often work crappy hours; finding time together may turn out to be a problem. Waitresses will always critique other waitresses when you take them out on dates; just be ready for her catty side. Waitress girlfriends will tip outrageously (40%+) when you run across a good service; make sure you got the cash to support that.

You can have all the good advice in the world and you may still never pick up a waitress. Sometimes you still need the wind to blow the right way or the planets to align. A Ferrari or a large cock doesn’t hurt either. Good luck and happy hunting.

“Ask DaVe” is an advice and Q&A column for all of our readers. I do my best to answer all of your questions. If you don’t know what to do, if you want my opinion on something, if you want to know something about me, or if you just want to know… please write to me at FupDuckTV[at]gmail[dot]com or leave a comment.

Tags: Ask DaVe by DaVe
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For those of our readers that bath regularly (hopefully all of you), you have a daily choice: “Should I pee in the shower?”

*GASP* How unconscionable! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Lets slow down here for a moment. Is peeing in the shower really that bad? Let consult the Universal Urination Flowchart…. (ha, ha… get it “FLOW” chart)

After looking at this pissing decision tree, it appears that peeing in the shower is acceptable. According to Glamour Magazine, 75% of all women surveyed admit to peeing in the shower (and I’m sure the percentage is even higher for men).

There are some upsides to peeing in the shower:

• You might not know this, your urine can provides a natural defense against many types of foot funguses. Typically the ammonia content in your urine isn’t really high enough to kill much of anything, but it can’t hurt.
• Peeing in the shower saves the water you would have used in a toilet flush. By peeing in the shower, you are saving water and thus saving the planet one tinkle at a time. Urine is sterile and nontoxic (but I still wouldn’t drink it).
• Peeing in the shower makes you feel more like an animal. *RAWRRR* Start your morning off right with the energy of a lion. Don’t even look to see where it is going, just let it fly.
• Urine can remove soap scum. Why spend your day scrubbing when you can just piss those dirty shower walls away.
• Pretend you are a lawn sprinkler.

Pee with confidence in the shower. You’ll be glad you did.

One final note – NEVER POOP IN THE SHOWER!!!!! No matter how much hot water you use to flush that brown stuff down, those peanuts and corn kernels will just get stuck in the drain.

Don’t forget, this coming Saturday is Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19). It is the one day of the year that Ninjas fear the most. So, Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum…. Blow the man down.

Tags: Rant by DaVe
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Jay Leno premiered his “new show” Monday Sept 14 at 10pm, The Jay Leno Show (how original). The only thing different was the time slot. His show has been hyped up all summer as ground breaking, new and breath of fresh air. I found his show to be none of these things. Jay’s new show is EXACTLY like his old talk show.

The set (aside from a couple coloring changes) was nearly identical. Yeah he sits in a chair next to his guest instead of behind a desk (stolen from Oprah), but can you really call that new? Headlines? Really? Hell, he’s even got the SAME BAND!!! Geezzz!!!

Jay welcomed Jerry Seinfeld, favorite prodigal son of NBC. What has Jerry done interesting in the last ten years??? NOTHING!!! I have a feeling Jay was settling an old comedy club / nightclub circuit debt with Jerry from 25 years ago. Your time has past….

Jay’s musical guest was Jay-Z, Rhianna and Kanye West
. Jay-Z and Rhianna are both fairly talented in their own right, but Kanye West is just a world class Douchebag long before his head-up-his-ass moment with Taylor Swift at the VMA Awards. I sure hope that Jay-Z and Rhianna were fulfilling a contract because no performer in their right mind should EVER share a stage or spotlight with Mr. Dickhead (a.k.a. Kanye West). I couldn’t even tell you what song they sung.

Scheduled for the second show, Tom Cruise and Michael Moore. Maybe Tom will finally reveal to us that he is the second coming of L. Ron Hubbard. Who knows, maybe that wackjob, Michael Moore, can finally get George Bush impeached. The only way to fill episode two with more douchebaggery would to be bring Kanye West back on AGAIN!

I bet my parents enjoyed the show. Now they can go to bed earlier.

Let this be a lesson to all of you…. Never announce your retirement and name your successor five years out. Those five years will go by quicker than you will ever imagine. Jay should have not left the 11:35 time slot. Conan O’Brian has been tired and hack for years. NBC will ride both of those average talents to the bank for as long as they think they can make money off of these two. Jay was trash at 11:35, now he is trash in primetime.

The best talk show on late night television…. The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. Skip the other ones, they aren’t worth your time.

Tags: Rant by DaVe
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Why don’t more public locations have unisex bathrooms? Here in America everything is about equality and freedom… everywhere except in the bathroom. Men go in the Mens and Women go in the Womens. We are taught this at a very early age.

The funny thing about bathrooms is the name “bathroom” is typically a misnomer. Unless you are in there “bathing”, this should really be called something else. Here are some other names to identify the bathroom: restroom, breakroom, washroom, the can, the facilities, the crapper, the head, the loo, lavatory, dunny, outhouse, urinal, latrine… The list goes on. My personal favorite is the shitter.

Here in modern America, we had not heard main-stream mention of a unisex bathroom until the television show Ally McBeal. The show’s law office had a unisex bathroom and was regularly the topic and setting of some of their story arches. Albeit, they didn’t touch on real world topics such as smells, noises and gender based bathroom activities.

Despite the design of the room. each individual bathroom stall is allotted a certain amount of bathroom privacy. This concept of reasonable personal privacy has even been upheld many times in court rooms. If the individual stall provides privacy why does the make up of the rest of the room matter? My guess two seperate rooms design exsists because of tradition and people’s comfort levels with the gender segregation.

Being a man, I haven’t been in a whole lot of women’s restrooms. From what I’ve been told, some of them have couches, play music and have gift dispensers on the walls. Most mens rooms I have been in a covered in tile and have a funk in the air.

There are unisex bathrooms in America already, but most of them are single room facilities that are designed that way to cut down the need for two sets of plumbing in a low occupancy building. They are sometimes referred to as Family Restrooms meant for helping small children or changing babies.

I think unisex bathrooms might not be too far in our future. If the change does come about, it will be lead by the gay, lesbian and transgender movement. Apparently, there has been issues with crossdressers using the wrong rooms.

Could you handle using a large unisex bathroom? Gone would be the urinal troughs at the ball games. No more talking about the hot chick or cute guy in gender privacy while washing your hands. I think I could tolerate a gender neutral restroom at my office, but I don’t think I would ever support one.

Tags: Rant by DaVe
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