Beer Review – Blackberry Witbier (The Boston Beer Company)

The Boston Beer Company, Boston, MA
Blackberry Witbier

As Samuel Adams has increased in popularity, the Boston Beer Company has been forced to increase production to keep up with demand and they’ve been forced to introduce new flavors to try to grab more market share. As the “largest microbrew”, they unfortunately occupy an unenviable position because their older beers are wonderfully drinkable, yet somewhat pedestrian compared to the more adventurous or exotic micros, while most of their newest beers are contrived rubbish. The Blackberry Witbier is one of those contrived rubbish beers. Supposedly of the “Brewmaster’s Collection”, it is a “wheat ale brewed with blackberries and spices and natural flavor added” and uses Marion blackberries for Oregon. Yes, all this information was culled from the label of the bottle – I refuse to expend any more energy researching this beer. True, in the glass, it has a very deep and inviting copper color with a subtle purple-ish tint, but the head is very thin and of an eggshell white. There is a pleasant aroma of berries and yeast. And it goes downhill from there. The flavor is that of a thin wheat beer with a gentle berry flavor, slightly sweet yet without any real definition or character. Generally speaking, the flavor is very thin with a very thin body and some light bitterness on the aftertaste, but not much else. It is somewhat crisp, but overall has very little character similar to that of average, mass-produced crap. This is certainly a “boutique, craft beer” in name only; far worse than regular Sam Adams Boston Lager and reminiscent of Sam Adams’ other poor efforts, like their Cherry Wheat and Cranberry Lambic. It is sad to think that this beer, despite all the apparent effort to refine and brew this recipe, really is a waste of time and energy, and will probably meet an early demise. Then again, there still are some people who like disco.

M!dd13m4n’s rating – 2.5 Pints

Ask DaVe: Spandex?

spandexTammy in Bridge Port, TX asks, “Why do people wear Spandex?”

Well Tammy, I am glad you asked this question. Typically people wear spandex as some sort of exercise clothing or workout outfit. The spandex material has a slicky-stretchy-huggy nature to it that tends to hold things in place and display those things prominently. The material keeps things from flopping around or poking an eye out. Men and women alike occasionally make the often wrong choice to wear Spandex.

There are two simple rules that should be observed when considering spandex as a fashion choice:

Spandex Rule #1 – Men Should NOT Wear Spandex.

    The only exceptions to this… racing in the Tour de France, underneath board-shorts while swimming or if you are hung like a mule.

    Apparently Competitive Biking allows you to throw good fashion sense right out the window (something to do with aero-economics or dressing in deceased drag or something like that). I don’t get it either.

    Under board-shorts is acceptable when swimming. Not really sure why. It just is.

    If your penis is shorter than 6″ flaccid or 8″ erect, you should not even consider Spandex shorts. Spandex shorts show off WAY TOO MUCH of the human anatomy. Confidence will only get you so far in spandex. You really need to have something to back up a fashion statement like that. And even if you are “Blessed”, spandex is just bragging.

Spandex Rule #2 – Women Larger than a Size-8 Should NOT Wear Spandex.

    I’m really not sure why they even make spandex in Large and X-Large sizes. Bigger women are beautiful, but spandex is not meant for them. Larger women seek out spandex because of the materials supportive nature; it helps minimize the giggle. If are more than a Size-8 and you must wear spandex, consider wearing something loose over the spandex.

    When wearing spandex, regardless of your body type, be aware of the potential of camel toe (or moose knuckles). I love the female form, but rarely is the camel toe even remotely attractive. Certain spandex manufacturers sell varieties of shorts that have crotch padding to eliminate this lumpy problem.

    Women’s Spandex Sport Tops are the tricky enigma in the whole spandex conundrum. Women tend to get their spandex tops either too small or too thin. Often women are trying to squeeze their DD’s into a top built for a 12 year old girl. It looks like a tube of dough left in the sun. Rolls of skin just sticking out the top bottom, top and sides. There is “support” and then there is “crushing”. Ladies, get the right size top.

    The other piece of the Spandex Sports Top puzzle… the material weight. Spandex is often sold in different thicknesses. Many women make the mistake of buying tops that are too thin. They displaying every little bump and curve like these women are covered in body paint. Unless you like the “Smuggling M&M’s” look, I suggest finding a top with some padding.

Sometimes you like to wear the stretchy pants!Keep in mind, spandex is not your only choice. It is almost 2010 and there are alternatives. Many brands offer lines of workout clothing that stand up well to sweat, give support and also doing look like they were applied with a paint brush. Check out your local sporting goods stores from some alternatives.

Spandex is a privelege, not a right!

In an attempt to maintain full information discloser, yes I have owned and worn Spandex shorts in the past, but adhered to the exceptions of Spandex Rule #1.

Ask DaVe” is an advice and Q&A column for all of our readers. I do my best to answer all of your questions. If you don’t know what to do, if you want my opinion on something, if you want to know something about me, or if you just want to know… please write to me at FupDuckTV[at]gmail[dot]com or leave a comment.

Women in Space

STSLaunchLast night NASA scrubbed their launch of Shuttle Launch STS-128 for the second time in two days after a problem was discovered with a liquid hydrogen valve. They will try again Early Friday morning (12:22am EDT).

Strangely, this particular NASA mission apparently requires a midnight launch. I’m sure there is some sort of quasi-scientific astronomy or astrology reason for a night launch (“I’m a Pieces and my horoscope said beware of starting anything new during the day.”). I think the night launch is a cover for some “non-disclosed to the public” reason. I am guessing the shuttle is rendezvousing above the South American coast with some sort of alien space craft for an alien prison exchange program.

When curiously investigating who is flying on the shuttle Discovery, I happened to noticed that Nicole Stott is the sole woman flying on the current mission. I think it is wonderful that women are participating in our space program. To date, there have been 51 women in space and Nicole will be #52. Unfortunately, we have tragically lost three women in space: Judith Resnik (Challenger disaster), Kalpana Chawla and Laurel B. Clark (Columbia disaster).

Female astronauts got me thinking…. Has anyone actually had sex in space? No government space program (or private space program) has disclosed any such experiment. Obviously, the space program is full of male volunteers (“Yes, I will accept this mission for science. To cum and go where no man has gone before.”) But how many female astronauts would step up to that challenge?

I’m sure sex in space would be interesting, but rather fruitless. There would be nothing to push off of in zero gravity. One good thrust and she would spin across the spacecraft. Don’t even get me started about where he would drift off to after an orgasm. Besides, seminal fluid and high tech equipment don’t mix. Don’t believe me? Just shout your spunk all over your keyboard and see how well it works.

NyberbKnowing NASA, I bet they have experimented with space-sex in secret. I’m sure it was some sort of husband / wife astronaut combo with lots of cameras and people in white lab coats holding clipboards. How romantic. Sounds like a bad porno to me. You are welcome Larry Flint for your next production idea.

After perusing all of the female astronauts, Karen Nyberg is probably my favorite. She’s got a great smile and she looks good in an orange jumpsuit. According to her profile, she on her second marriage. Player…. Player….

Back in My Day

chalkboardAfter a discussion about old items and old technology, I was flabbergasted at what people in the early 20’s just don’t know about. To say the least, their teenage years were VERY different from mine. They may have heard of some of these things, but they just don’t sink in. Has it really been 20 years? Fuck, I’m old!!! (Yes, this is one of those “Back in my days” articles)

Atari 2600 & Apple IIe – Back in my days, digital entertainment was 70 pixels of bleepy-pingy goodness, text adventures and 4-bit colors and sounds… Ahhh, the good old days. My generation is the founding fathers of video games. There were no ergonomic controllers; you got Atari-thumb. If you wanted to play a quality game, you went to an arcade. Now, you have your choice of consoles and you can pick up games with mind blowing graphics and sounds used for $5.

Braces – Today the teens have these invisible braces that you can barely see unless you are up close and personal. There is Invisalign which looks like a plastic retainer. There are the iBraces that actually go behind your teeth. Soon there will be the Presto-Braces; 10 one hour visits to the Orthodontist and Presto – Your teeth are now aligned. Back when I was a kid, braces looked like Ugly Betty was chewing tinfoil. Shit was wrapped around your molars, glued to your teeth and full of sharp edges that felt like a mouth full of broken glass.

typewriterTypewriters – I actually had to explain to someone what the hell a typewriter was today. AND at the end of this conversation, I was vindicated with the response, “You mean someone put a keyboard and a printer together and you didn’t have to walk over to the printer to get it. That would be sooooo awesome!” I almost dove over the conference room table to strange this individual.

Ungroomed Pubes – Teens today are spoiled… I’ll repeat that… SPOILED by groomed pubic hair. They know nothing of coughing for 30 minutes only to produce an errant short and curly from your girlfriend’s jungle overgrowth lodged in the back of your throat like a razorblade from your unscreened Halloween candy. When I was in school, girls all had uncontrollable muffy puffy fur lumps adorning the gates to heaven. Now, girls are all trimmed and shaved; even the quiet bookworm virgin that has no interest in dating boys until after college. SPOILED!!!!

record_playerLP-Vinyl Records – Back in the day, they used to press wax and call it an LP or Vinyl Record. It is pronounced rec•ord (rěk’ərd), like what a runner breaks with the new fastest time. When you wanted to buy music, you actually had to physically purchase something (similar to CDs today), not just a digital song that you could download straight to your iPod. From what I understand, Vinyl Records as actually making a come back. Personally I think they should stay gone, but some people insist that sound quality is better.

Chalkboards – WTF??!?!?! These are gone now??? From what I understand (at least in my community), no one has chalkboards any more. They now have whiteboards and the teachers use dry-erase markers. No more clouds of dust after a sleeping student gets pegged in the head with a flying chalkboard eraser. No more clapping erasers as punishment for bringing a toaster and pop-tarts to class. I just don’t think kids today are getting the full educational experience without their lungs full of and clothes covered with chalk dust. I am going to miss the teacher’s union’s regular lawsuits against the state boards of education for “White Lung”.

What are things you remember from your teen years that might be different or gone now?

Mouth Full of Crap

homer screamIt has become apparent to me, that I have recently bitten off more than I can chew. In the last three days I have had to break plans, disappoint friends, miss deadlines and generally eat crow for stretching myself too thin. I won’t go into all the ghastly and gory details, but it hasn’t been a pretty week (and it is only Monday).

So far I haven’t missed anything life changing or mission critical, but it is the fact that I am missing things. Things that are important to me and important to other people in my life. Will the world come to an end because I had to step down from something or cancel an activity? No, but it will have a lasting impression on those I let down.

“So, DaVe missed a few activities and broke a few plans. Why is this blog-worthy?” It is important for me to acknowledge this so that I can begin to repair the damage. When I missed a deadline or cancel on plans, I am disappointing someone. I have done my best to apologize to those I’ve disappointed, but there are some people I have missed.

I am at a point in my life where I have many responsibilities, alot of people counting on me, the resources to do the things I want to do, but I don’t always have the time. Time management is a difficult skill to master. There is only a finite number of hours in the day. Even a Time Management Jedi has difficult balancing 9-to-5 work, school, spending time with family, hanging with friends, staying in shape, sleep, hobbies and time stealers in between.

“So how does DaVe fix his time management problems?” I am not entirely sure. In the short term, I am going to have to make less time commitments. I will probably disappoint friends, but better to say no up front than sorry in the end. In the long term, I really don’t know what I am going to do. I guess I will have to seek out a balance between my commitments.

If you have any suggestions on how to deal with this problem, I would really love to hear them.

Beer Review – Nugget Nectar (Tröegs Brewing Co.)

Tröegs Brewing Company, Harrisburg, PA
Nugget Nectar Imperial Amber Ale

It has been a while since I’ve reviewed anything by Tröegs, so this is a fine opportunity to rekindle my affection for this “independent craft brewery”. As I have said in the review for their IPA, they produce some of my most favorite beers (Tröegenator, anyone?), and this one is no exception. Pour a bottle of Nugget Nectar into your glass and you will be greeted by a deep copper color and a billowy thick, ivory-colored head. A subtle yeasty aroma will tickle your nose inviting you to the first taste. The first impression upon tasting this beer is that it is quite heavily hopped. The nearly over-the-top floral / citrus hop flavor is powerful, although it is not too bitter. Helping to subdue the bitterness while enhancing the rounded hoppiness is the thick, rich, creamy body, which seems to envelope your tongue in sensory near-overload. This is possibly one of the most perfectly balanced beers – there’s not one “clinker” in the flavor notes. Although there is some bitterness in the aftertaste, the bitterness never becomes cloying or distracting. I guess it could be said that this is a bit of a one-trick pony in that the perfectly balanced hoppiness drowns out most everything else, yet still maintains remarkable balance. That balance is rarely found in other beers, with hoppiness usually accompanied by harsh astringency. I can easily knock back 4 or 5 of these with a balanced flavor like that. Although with an ABV of 7.5%, after 4 or 5 beers in close chronological proximity, I find I have significant trouble balancing. Lucky for me, I am not a beer.

M!dd13m4n’s rating – 4.5 Pints

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