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Fireflies are the retards of the insect kingdom. They are actually beetles and nocturnal members of the Lampyridae family. These mentally challenged bugs can be found pretty much anywhere on the globe during the summer months. They light up the neighborhoods of summertime suburbia providing hours of entertainment to children during their summer break.

Both male and female fireflies glow, but each sex has their own distinct sequence of flashes. Sitting on your porch during the summer, you can watch the Match.com orgy of the bug world. Transgender lightning bugs will often change their flashing sequence to trick unsuspecting members of the same gender.

So why do these bugs ride the short bus? Lightning bugs are one of the only insects that children can catch with ease and the children do not need to worry about being harmed. So many different bugs that can be caught often have a distance defense mechanism such as poison, a bite or a stinger. What does the firefly have? A flashy buttock and a lackadaisical demeanor? Their actual defense mechanism is that they taste bad and the glow is a warning to predators, “I taste bad”; lame but effective.

If you swat at a lightning bug, not only will it not fly away from you, but it will regularly come back for more or worst of all, land on your hand and proceed to walk around for a while.

If you spray bug-killer into the air, they will actually fly into the toxic cloud to see what that neat new smell is. Lucky for them, no one carries “Lightning Bug Repellent” and most general bug killers have little to no effect on them. Those retards just keep coming.

If you drive down country roads during the summertime, you windshield will be covered in glowy bug guts in no time. Luminescent bug guts are quite possibly the grossest of all the bug guts. They see your glowy windshield coming down the road at 65 mph and jump into your path to see where all those other horny bugs are headed. It’s like night club for fireflies.

One good thing about fireflies… They had a decent television show named after them, Firefly. Firefly was created, written, directed and produced by Joss Whedon on The Fox Network for one season and spawned a follow-up movie (Serenity). It stared Nathan Fillion and was cancelled primarily because Fox just didn’t give them a chance. This is one of the only good things about Fireflies.

Have you ever caught fireflys? Have you ever eaten one? If you could improve the firefly, what change would you make to them?

Tags: Rant by DaVe
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The world of celebrities has recently been rocked with many deaths recently, some of them very sudden and unexpected. Often my topics are humorous and satirical, but today’s topic going to be fairly serious (mostly).

In the past few weeks, we have lost David Carradine, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson and Billy Mays. Every death is a tragedy and it never seem to be the same way twice (not typically). Albeit odd, these celebrities have had an impact on American popular culture.

David (supposedly) died doing some seriously perverted acts. Ed McMahon was old and (unfortunately) died nearly broke doing bad Cash-4-Gold ads. Farrah Fawcett (sadly) died from god knows how many different types of cancer. Michael Jackson (presumably) died from a heart attack brought on by a cocktail of prescription medication that would have made Heath Ledger stand up and say “Geez Michael, you might want to take it easy on the pills”. And Billy Mays may have succumbed to either head trauma or a heart attack (according to the news). All of these deaths are tragic and are impacting people’s lives.

Out of the David/Ed/Farrah/Michael/Billy tragedy, I feel the biggest lose with Billy Mays. That is really kinda sad that I most identify with a pitchman with his own cable television show.

R.I.P. Ed, Farrah and Billy! Walk the Earth Caine, meet people and get into after-life adventures. Michael, well we’re going to have to let God sort that one out.

An old wives’ tale mentions deaths coming in threes; when one person dies in your life, or in the public eye, typically two more will follow suit in short order. Kinda scary, but it regularly holds true. In this latest go around we’ve had David, Ed and Farrah and the second group of three is Michael, Billy and someone yet to be named. Will there be another public figure dying off soon…. Probably.

So who is it going to be? Who will be the third in then Michael+Billy death triad? I’m kinda hoping it is Bernie Madoff.

Tags: Rant by DaVe
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Ice Age 3 (in 3D) comes out on Wednesday July 1. Here is a little flash game they released for the movies launch. I also saw that the movie were featured on ABC’s WipeOut this past week. I’ll be curious to see if the movie is any good.

Tags: Rant by DaVe
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This week we are featuring Sabrina Morris. She in an Actress recently appearing in J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek. We had the opportunity to interview her and shares some of her photos with all of you.

DaVe: Would you rather beat down: Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia) or Natalie Portman (Padmé Amidala)?
Sabrina Morris: I’m a lover not a fighter. Wouldn’t want to beat down my favorite characters either. I’m a huge Star Wars fan.

DaVe: You recently appeared in the J.J. Abrams movie, Star Trek. Who was most enjoyable person to work with? Do you plan to be in the Sequel?
Sabrina Morris: Everyone was an absolute pleasure to work with and everyone brought their own personalities and abilities to the set, which made for a very fun environment. Otherwise, I would have to say working with J.J. himself was the ultimate experience.

DaVe: What is your favorite drink to get FupDuck (drunk) on?
Sabrina Morris: Cocacola.

DaVe: Have you had any experiences yet with Star Trek Fans (Trekkies)? Good or Bad? Any memorable stories?
Sabrina Morris: All of the Star Trek fans have been absolutely lovely. Probably the most memorable was seeing the fans dressed up at the premiere.

DaVe: Do you have a favorite or lucky pair of underwear (or outfits)?
Sabrina Morris: No lucky items. I simply carry luck with me wherever I go.

DaVe: Your website, SabrinaMorris.com, mentions that you have your motorcycle license. Do you ride regularly and if so what type of bike do you have (or would want to own)?
Sabrina Morris: I don’t ride regularly too much any more. My dream bike is a Ducati 1198 or a vintage Triumph Speed Twin.

DaVe: What is the craziest thing you’ve done while drunk?
Sabrina Morris: I’m pretty mellow so I don’t have too many drunken stories.

DaVe: You started your own film production company called Forward Vision Films. What films have you produced and is production you want to take your career?
Sabrina Morris: Forward Vision Films is a company that I founded that produces short films and feature length films that are about things that I would want to see. We just finished our first production of a short film called “Three Two Delta” which should be released at the end of July. We have two other projects that are slated to begin production in August and November respectively.

DaVe: Is Sabrina Morris single? Do you have a dating horror story (current or past)?
Sabrina Morris: I am currently “single”. I have plenty of dating horror stories but I keep those for my close friends.

I want to thank Sabrina Morris for her time and great answers to our questions. You can check out more photo’s and other information on her website: sabrinamorris.com. You can also keep with Sabrina on Facebook, MySpace and Twitter. I think she is seriously hot and can’t wait to see more of her work.

Tags: FDTV's Eye Candy by DaVe
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“Ask DaVe” is an advice and Q&A column for all of our readers. I do my best to answer all of your questions. If you don’t know what to do, if you want my opinion on something, if you want to know something about me, or if you just want to know… please write to me at FupDuckTV[at]gmail[dot]com or leave a comment.

Pamela from Indianapolis, IN asks, “DaVe, I need a new swimsuit for summer. Should I get a one piece or two piece bathing suit?”

Well Pamela, thank you for asking this question. This question has been a dilemma for women since the late 50’s when the bikini first started arriving on the fashion scene. Since then it has been one or two piece? Tough call! My first instinct is to tell you to buy a bikini, but I understand that the one-piece is really starting to make a come back this year.

A little history on the bikini… in Paris, way back in the year 1946, a French guy named Louis Reard invented the bikini. There was a huge fashion show in Paris and he produced a two piece garment. The bikini is named after the location of military exercise, Operation Crossroads. This is where a nuclear bomb test conducted in the South Pacific, the Bikini Atoll (islands), in 1946 following the Second World War. The bikini’s popularity exploded in the 50s.

The one piece bathing suit first started to look like what we know today back in the early 1900’s; less dress like and more fitting and revealing. Showing skin finally was acceptable.

So, what should you pick? First, I would ask about your body type. Secondly, I would ask what your intent was for the bathing suit is.

Body type is a key factor. Every woman is different and some are more comfortable with their bodies than others. In a nutshell, if you are comfortable with your body and want to, get the two piece bikini. If you are unsure of yourself, the safe bet is the one piece.

The other key is your intent and purpose for the suit. If you are dawning the swimsuit solely to workout in the pool, the one piece is best for exercise. If you are trying to catch some sun rays and attract men, go for the bikini.

Whichever your choice, there a tons of styles to choose from. Unfortunately, I don’t know your body type or intent, so I can’t really make an informed decision. Robin, feel free to send us a picture of yourself and I will help steer you in the right direction. If anyone else needs bathing suit advice, please send us a picture of yourself and I will help you with your decision.

So what do you think? Should Pamela buy the one piece or two piece? What are you wearing this summer? Do you recommend any particular manufacturers?

Tags: Ask DaVe by DaVe
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Alright, you know it is bad if I am writing on this topic. I had to do it… I watched Jon and Kate plus Eight (J&K+8) tonight. I watched solely to be up-to-speed at the water cooler tomorrow. And now, you’ll be up to speed too.

On tonight’s episode of J&K+8, the couple announced that they were separating. I’ve not seen many other episodes of their show, but I think they have really grown apart over the course of their show. It is not a happy thought of a couple falling apart, especially one in the public eye.

Jon and Kate have been on just about every grocery store rag for the last few weeks. Rumor has it, that they sell more magazines than Brangelina (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie). It is scary that we have taken such an interest in their lives.

Their lives are being video taped and photographed at every turn. I can’t imagine going through such an ordeal in the public’s eye. You know it is only going to get worse.

What is sad is the children’s plight. Not only are they going to have separated parents, but they are going to have a recording of it for all their lives… “Remember when mom and dad broke up? Yeah, let’s watch it again. That was a great episode.”

I think their problem has been communication and “couple time”. Often when dealing with children, couples forget to be partners and lovers. You get so wrapped up in taking care of the children you forget to take care of the relationship. I think this is what happened to Jon and Kate.

I really hope that they try the separation and actually give their marriage a second chance. Often time apart is all an ailing couple needs. Counseling and time, that is what they need (and to be left alone).

What do you think? Is Jon and Kate news worthy? Do you think they are better apart or should they try to work it out?

Tags: Rant by DaVe
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