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Jackie from Baltimore asks, “It’s summertime and I was about to do some springtime pruning before heading to the pool. I have quite the shrubbery going on. What shape and method do you recommend for my landscaping project?”

Well Jackie, I’m glad you asked this question. I’ve actually had many conversations with both women and men about their personal private grooming habits. For men, this is called Manscaping. For women, this is called Commonsense.

A certain percent of the population feels that it is ok to just let nature take its course when it comes to body hair. For some women, its legs and armpits only. Some men only choose to attend to facial hair. But, for many of us, personal grooming is an important event and covers all areas head to toe. You can do it yourself or you can even consult professional. Typically only women see the professionals, but Men if you are looking for shock value visit a spa and let us know how that goes for you.

So how do you achieve the look you are going for? You’re choice of weapons include razors, trimmers, personal groomers, wax or tweezers. You will need to experiment will your personal favorite. They each have their own special feel and purpose. I recommend mechanizing your personal grooming. BTW, I don’t recommend tweezing unless you are into pain (Weird-Os).

So, how do you want to express yourself? There are many shapes and styles both men and women can groom to. Let me share some of your more common options:

Natural, but Groomed – Basically, this is the normal natural growth shape that your hair will grow into, but you’ve trimmed up the long hairs. Kinda looks like a hairy hot-air balloon. This isn’t very adventurous, but it looks neat and tidy, but boring. Your partner will appreciate the clean look. It is easy to take care of and needs little maintenance.

Triangle – The triangle sharpens all the corners of your natural growth pattern. It brings a sense of edginess to your pubes while remaining safe. It is very easy to maintain and won’t be too noticeable if you forget to trim-up.

Heart – The heart shape is very common, particularly around Valentine’s Day and anniversaries. This shape takes some practice, but with the right tools, it should be easy to maintain. Not many men choose this route.

Brazilian / Landing Strip – The Brazilian and the landing strip are very popular and more difficult to maintain. This style basically shaves off all hair except for a small line heading north and south. It looks good and lets your partner know that you care about how you look.

Shaved – This option is the daisy-cutter of grooming. No looking back! Shave it all off! Depending on the person, you’ve got about 18 to 36 hours before the stubble starts to come back in. Many people will wait until they are “expecting visitors” before they attempt this trim. Be careful, some people have an aversion to the shaved look.

There are tons of other styles and customizations. There are actually some online web applications that will let you try out different styles of trim jobs. The virtual trim lets you think about it without making a huge mistake. Some companies sell stencils for your personal grooming. Place the stencil on your love patch and trim within the lines. I recommend experimenting with different looks or you might even try mixing and matching.

I am personally a big fan of the shaved look and feel. Obviously this IS a personal choice, but you should consider your partner’s opinion before you break out the weed-whacker. Some partners have a distinct preference and will not be happy if you deviate from your norm. Good luck with summer grooming choice.

So, what is your personal grooming choice? Send us a picture of your design. We would love to see.

Tags: Ask DaVe by DaVe
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I had the chance to see an early screening of Oscar winner Steven Soderbergh’s latest project, The Girlfriend Experience. The film offers a voyeuristic view into the world of high-end prostitution.

Apparently, in the escort / call-girl / hooker / prostitution industry, The Girlfriend Experience (TGE) is one of the most sought after client requests. It gives the client the illusion of having a intimate relationship on a boyfriend / girlfriend level. The TGE engagement often doesn’t even include sex; just talking and spending time together.

The film stars Sasha Grey and a whole mess of ‘I’ve-never-heard-of-you-before’s. Sasha does a good job making the jump from porno to feature actress. I’m not sure how far of an acting stretch this was for her, but I actually though she did a decent job. Maybe we’ll be seeing more films with her that don’t include gratuitous sex.

I was disappointed in the movie’s score. The music did very little to enhance the story and it often detracted from the movie. I think it is bad when people ask me, “what’s the deal with this music?”

Steven Soderbergh is an Oscar winning director (Traffic, 2001), but probably best known for Sex, Lies, and Videotape or Ocean’s Eleven, Twelve and Thirteen films. The Girlfriend Experiences comes across as some sort of cinematic experiment for Steven. I speculate that he loves porn and want to get Sasha on his casting-couch. I’m just saying….

The movie is very slow paced and sometimes is hard to follow, but ultimately it grabbed my attention. A day or two later and I am still thinking about the film. The Girlfriend Experience doesn’t even hint at this profession being illegal. You get to see some of the lifestyle of a high-end call-girl, but I bet there are even more ups and downs in the real lifestyle.

Tags: Movie Review by DaVe
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April from Missouri asks, “DaVe, I am thinking about getting a tattoo, but I don’t know where to get one. Where do you think I should get my tattoo?”

Well April, I’m glad you asked this question. I personally don’t have any tattoos (personal reasons) so you will need to take that into consideration when you gauge my response. Despite that, tattoos have always fascinated me. I have studied what different tattoos mean and I have become an expert in tattoo appreciation.

Where you get your Tattoo is probably more important than what you actually get the tattoo of. Ultimately, it is your own personal choice, but some choices are better than others. Locations on Men and Women mean completely different things and my answers here are only for women. I’ll have to talk about tattoo locations for men another time.

Let me break the locations down for you top to bottom so that you and our readers know what she is getting into:

• Scalp – Anytime a woman gets a tattoo inside her hair-line, she is typically issuing a cry for help. That woman’s tough exterior is showing with tattoo on that bald head or along side that mohawk, but deep down there is little girl that is in trouble and needs help. More than likely she is having daddy issues and secretly looking for a dominate but nurturing father-figure in her life. Guys, if you see a woman with a shaved head and a tattoo on her scalp, give her a hug and let her know that it is ok.
• Face – Girls that get tattoos on their face often are musically inclined. Look for this woman to be into hard rock, but she also appreciates Classical and Blues music (modern music’s roots). A tattoo on the face also means that she is saving herself for the right guy. She is artistic, sweet & innocent but with a dramatic flare. Guys, If you see a woman with a tattoo on her face, don’t expect a tramp or a sure thing; she is a lady.
• Back of the Neck – Tattoos on the back of a woman’s neck are a sign of submissiveness. Despite first impressions, she wants to be completely dominated. The nape or scruff of a woman neck is symbolically where someone takes control of you, much like a puppy being moved around an adult dog. Guys, she will be a submissive into bondage and rough sex, so establish a safe word and be ready.
• Shoulders – Women with shoulder tattoos, such as wings or tribal lines, are very sure of themselves and are very prideful. They are often successful in their carriers and are typically single by choice. Shoulder tattoos are a sign of a dominate personality that avoids personal commitments. Guys, if you spot those angel wings out of the back of that tanktop, buy her a drink and expect her to be gone by morning.
• Arms – Women that get tattoos on their arms are typically socially conscience. They often are into animals and recycling. Most women that get arm tattoos end up being stay at home moms and often regret their tattoos. Arm tattoos are the one area that is most often asked to be removed by doctors. Think twice before getting anything on your arms. Guys, if you see the arm tattoo, talk about your volunteering in third-world countries and get ready to go ring shopping.
• Chest – Women that get tats on their chest are often unhappy with their bodies. They subconsciously are looking to draw attention from an area of imperfection (often their breasts). She will probably end up having plastic surgery at some point in her life. These women are sometimes categories as being mousey or shy. Guys, these women are often damaged goods. Some other man has probably broken her soul already.
• Ribs – Watch out for women with rib tattoos. These girls are wild and insatiable in bed. Their sexual appetites are usually more than even the biggest studs can handle. Rib tattoos are also a sign of someone that has a nomadic spirit. She doesn’t keep a boyfriend for long. Guys, Drink lots of Gatorade. You’ve been warned!
• Small of the Back – Tattoos in this location are typically known as a “Tramp Stamp”. Girls that have ink here are typically party girls. Statistically they are not the smartest girls and are often easily taken advantage of. Surprisingly, alot of grade school teachers have tattoos on the small of their backs. Guys, the next time you are at the PTA meeting, drop a pen or two on the ground and see what pops up.
• Pelvic Area / Underwear Line – Despite what you might think, people that get tattoos here typically are very prudish and teasers. Tattoos here usually mean overly strict parents growing up. They have finally found a little rebellion in them, but ultimately they are still scared of what mom and dad will think. Guys, these girls talk a good dame, but ultimately you are wasting your time. If she shows you this tattoo at the bar, that is ALL you are going to see of her.
• Thighs – Thigh tattoos are hot. These women are typically secretly wild. It says “You can’t see me during the day, but I’m all yours behind closed doors.” Girls with thigh tattoos are often good girlfriend material. They usually have a good sense of humor and are loyal to their friends. An odd fact about girls with thigh tattoos; they often have G-Spots located higher than average inside their vagina (not a first-date conversation topic). Guys, if you spot the thigh tattoo, introduce yourself, try to get her number and set up a time to get together.
• Calves – Tattoos on the calves usually are a bad sign. This is usually a sign of chronic liars and kleptomaniacs. There are nerve endings in the calves that when subjected to the mild pain from getting a tattoo releases a chemical into the brain that turns women into dishonest thieves. There are obviously varying degrees of its effects, but you’ve been warned. Guys, she will sleep with your best friend and steal your dog. Avoid! Avoid! Avoid!

These are the major locations for getting tattoos. Of course there are other locations to get tattoos and many people have different responses to why they get them where. Everyone is different and everyone can get different ink. April, let us know where you get your tattoo. Happy Tattooing!

Do you have a tattoo? Do you fit into my description (or are you in denial)? We want to hear from you.

Tags: Ask DaVe by DaVe
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If you’ve ever watched any of our Video Casts, you know that we sometimes have a tendency to wear sunglasses indoors. We’ve been doing it for years here at FupDuckTV. We have had years of experience to the question, “why do you wear sunglasses indoors?” Over the years we have come up with some “stock” answers to that question:

1. I have sensitive “girly eyes”.
2. My pupils are bionic, but they are prototypes and they don’t work very well in direct sunlight.
3. I’m less conspicuous while I stare at your ass and breasts.
4. My eyes are bloodshot.



5. Cause they make me look coooooooooooool.
6. I wear prescription lens and I left my regular glasses at home.
7. My eyes shoot red laser blasts from them unless I’m wearing these special glasses.
8. I have a black eye from my last MMA fight.
9. It the latest fashion craze. Anyone that is anyone is doing it. Don’t you want to be cool too?
10. I’m an investigative reporter and there is a hidden camera built into these glasses.
11. It shields my eyes from the flashbulbs of the paparazzi.
12. What sunglasses?
13. It is Ray Charles’ Birthday and I’m honoring his memory. (Stevie Wonder works too)
14. I’m a Secret Service Special Agent and all agents are required to wear sunglasses, even indoors.
15. Did I mention that I have been and still am staring at your boobs?
16. I’m drunk.
17. My sunglasses distract you from noticing that my zipper is stuck down.
18. We’re going clubbing later and I don’t want people to see my black eyeliner yet.



19. I’m famous and I don’t want people to recognize me in public.
20. I’m hung-over.
21. I am prone to epileptic seizures and your lights are flickering at the exact frequency it takes to send me into a seizure spell.
22. If I take these off my soul will slip out of my body. We don’t want that happening again.
23. These are actually X-Ray Vision glasses and I can see your naughty-bits.
24. Your boobs are amazing.
25. I’m just FupDuck!

What about you? Can you think of any good responses to the question? We want to hear you responses.

Tags: Rant by DaVe
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This week we are featuring Dana Hamm; Model, Spokesmodel and Actress. She has been featured on the covers of many magazines. We had the opportunity to interview her and shares some of her photos with all of you.

DaVe: Which model would you rather beat down Kathy Ireland or Cindy Crawford?
Dana Hamm: Ummm…that’s an interesting question. Well, I’m a lover not a fighter. Ha ha… I don’t know too much about Kathy, but I’m very familiar with Cindy. She seems nice. We all know she gorgeous, successful, and intelligent, so I don’t think I’d want to beat her down. BUT I do think that her new skincare line seems bogus. The commercial claims it’s made from a super rare melon only found in France, yet the entire skincare line of products only cost $29.99. Hmmm…??? So, at that price it tells me it’s no better than the mass produced el-cheapo skincare lines sold at drug stores like Walmart and Walgreens. Sorry, but I just don’t buy the rare melon gimmick So, I might have to beat down Cindy (verbally) for that. Ha! But on the other hand I don’t blame her for coming out with her own line of products. I’m sure it’ll make her even richer! After all, everyone else does it, so why not her…she’s a beautiful model!

DaVe: What is your favorite drink to get FupDuck (drunk) on?
Dana Hamm: Well, I’m not a big drinker. I usually only drink red wine, but it can be VERY strong. I do enjoy the taste of a lot of the girly drinks, but at the same time I realize they are so high in sugar and calories
I’d have to say that Pinor Noir is my alcoholic drink of choice, because it also contains health benefits. When red wine starts rushing through your veins on an empty stomach, it will definitely get you FupDuck, especially if you’re a lightweight like me

DaVe: We’re dying to know, how tall are you? (Any other measurements you want to throw our way…)
Dana Hamm: I’m 5′8″. I think it’s a good basic height. Not too tall, not too short, so I’m very thankful. Of course, some days I wouldn’t mind being 5′10″, because that would have resulted in me becoming an instant fashion model, but things could be a lot worse, so I never complain. I’m naturally very busty at 36D. Many people assume my breasts are much larger — I guess I look bustier in my pictures, maybe. I have women email me all the time on MySpace to ask the size of my boobs, because they have taken my pictures to their cosmetic surgeons hoping to get a similar shape and size through breast augmentation. It’s always very flattering, but they usually gasp when I tell them I’m a 36D, because they’ve signed-up for much larger…like 38DD and bigger. It’s kind of funny, but at the same time I’m glad I’ve usually been able to prevent them from getting some ridiculously huge implants. Oversized implants are kind of retarded looking in my opinion, but to each its own.

DaVe: Do you have a favorite or lucky pair of underwear (or outfits)?
Dana Hamm: Ummm…yeah I do. I think every girl has a favorite pair of panties and definitely a favorite pair of jeans. I get new thongs all the time, so it’s hard to single out one pair. I guess my favorite pair of panties (thongs) are from Victoria’s Secret, but the funny thing is they are actually from their last holiday line. They are light gray with red pipping and they have a pair of red lips on the front. I think it’s definitely the material that makes them so great — can’t ever go wrong with soft cotton. The feel good and look good, so I guess I’d consider those my favorite pair even though they are Christmas panties.

DaVe: Where was your favorite photo shoot been located?
Dana Hamm: It’s always hard picking “favorites” you know? Because it really depends on what aspect of the photo shoot you’re defining. Some of my greatest images have been captured locally in my little home studio. However, it’s been amazing shooting on location in places like Italy, Paris, Hawaii, Alaska, Florida Keys, White Sands Dessert, Monument Valley, South Beach, Malibu, Las Vegas, etc… Probably the most beautiful location was Florence, Italy. I shot at a beautiful private resort located in right in the heart of Tuscany. It was surreal. What a breathtakingly gorgeous place! Wow! I could live there so easily. The weather was perfect and it was so quiet and peaceful. I also always have a great time shooting in the Florida Keys. There are so beautiful little coves and private beaches heading south through the Keys on US 1. I recently shot with GUESS Jeans, which was a blast and a major accomplishment for me. We shot in an cozy ’shabby chic’ style ocean front house in Malibu. It was a lot of fun! I’ve never been on such a huge production in my life. There were 17 people fussing over me all day, which was kind of nerve-racking. But all in all…it was a great experience I’ll never forget.

DaVe: What is the craziest thing you’ve done while drunk?
Dana Hamm: Oh boy! That’s a loaded question. I think everything ya do when you’re drunk is usually pretty crazy, especially when you’re out with friends. It’s all relative. You know the usual…dancing on tables, singing karaoke, flashing strangers, kissing your friends, and just being super silly…and sexy. I rarely ever get to that point, but once in a while funny things just happen. Anymore, I keep it low-key. I only drink on occasion.

DaVe: What celebrity do you most enjoy reading about and following?
Dana Hamm: I’d have to say Angelina Jolie. Go figure! When people first started telling me I looked like her I naturally became curious about her career and personal life — that was back when she appeared in Tomb Raider. I barely knew who she was. Then I started checking out some of her previous films like “GIA”. I did see a similarity in our appearances, but I was mostly interested in her because she was such a unique and talented individual. I’ve never seen another actress like her ever. She was truly an original. She really caught my attention as she did so many others all over the world. So, I have continued to follow her throughout the years, which is pretty easy to do with all the celebrity blogs at our fingertips. I don’t buy tabloids and I rarely watch television, but somehow I manage to know what’s going on. After Angelina fades from the spotlight I doubt I will ever follow any other celebrity — most of them are so empty and contribed anyway.

DaVe: Is Dana Hamm single? Do you have a dating horror story (current or past)?
Dana Hamm: I’m not married, but I’m not single either. I’m in a serious relationship I’m very happy where I am right now. This is a good place in my life, so I’m grateful. Nope, I don’t have any dating horror stories that come to mind. I’ve been extremely lucky to have dated nice guys. I’ve forever been extremely picky about men, so I’ve always known right away when a certain guy is not right for me. I never dated someone just for the heck of it. My Dad once told me, “never date someone you wouldn’t marry (based on what you already know about them)”. And I kept those words in the back of my mind. I think it paid off

I want to thank Dana Hamm for her time and great answers to our questions. I think she is seriously hot and wonderful to work with. You can check out more photo’s and other information on her websites: www.danahammonline.com, www.danahamm.com and www.myspace.com/danahamm. I can’t wait to see more of her work.

Tags: FDTV's Eye Candy by DaVe
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“I know what you’re thinking, Nero, ’cause right now I’m thinking the same thing. Actually, I’ve been thinking it ever since I got here. Why, oh why didn’t I use the blue matter?”

Awww Crap, MotherFup’in piece of Crap’ity Crap-Crap, Shit, Fup, Crap!!!! I’m soooo damn frustrated. How am I supposed to write a decent review of this movie without disclosing too much of the plot…? How am I supposed to decide if I loved it or hated it…? How am I supposed to set aside my love for Star Wars (the sworn enemy of Star Trek) to write an unbiased review…? CRAP!!!

Well, I finally got out of the house and saw J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek this week. It is the latest motion picture from the Star Trek franchise. After five television shows, eleven movies and god knows how many novels, this is what it has come to? This??? A franchise “Restart” is what this is being heralded as. A RESTART??!?!!

J.J. Abrams is most recognized for his directing and production of the television shows Lost and Alias. Admittedly, I am not a Lost fan, but I did enjoy Alias (for a time, until the show seriously jumped the shark (a few different times)).

Star Trek was basicly a combination of Alias and Lost wrapped in old Roddenberry/Shatner Star Trek. Both of those TV shows use a storytelling technique that puts that viewer on edge with an impossible perilous predicament (“Oh god, will he survive?”) and then solve the problem with a unbelievable exciting plot twist (“Oh, he’s his lost brother that we didn’t know existed.”), but then immediately throws out another even more impossible problem (“Oh no, His Brother is a flesh eating space zombie!”). The constant rollercoaster ride gets old after time and the more they do this, the less impact it has by the end of the film.

The sets, scenery and special effects were amazing. They looked real and sliding into their world was made much easier by a well thought-out by the production designer. It held the feel of the original Star Trek television show without coming across as cheesy, seventy’s or nerdy. Industrial, Light and Magic (a George Lucas company) did a great job with the It was a solid updated feel. The one exception was their over-the-top use of Lens Flare. Every scene seemed to have this effect thrown in. I guess someone thought it added depth and impact to different scenes. It was more annoying than anything.

The costume design really bothered me. Old Spook Spock’s Pac-Man head snowsuit actually caused popcorn to shoot out of my mouth. He looked like a Muppet wrapped in leather and fur. The other costumes that bothered me were the Star Fleet shirts. They looked like paint-ball team jerseys without the facemasks. Speaking of facemasks, the hover bike cop’s costume was very cool. It was a cross between Judge Dread and Snake Eyes from G.I. Joe.

The cast is the one thing I found to be amazing (with one lens-flaring exception). Simon Pegg’s portrayal of Scotty was incredible. His performance was little much on the humor, but ultimately a good portrayal of James Doohan. Karl Urban was amazing as a young Dr. Bones McCoy. I actually heard someone say that his character stole the show. Leonard Nemoy has a sizable role in the film and his type-casting still holds true. He breathed new life into Spock. New Spock and New Kirk…. Meh! I felt Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto’s performances were overall rather weak.

Overall it was a Fantastic and Crappy. Let me clarify. It is now been two full days since I’ve seen the movie and I am still torn about my overall take on the movie. Part of me loved the movie and part of me hated it. I can’t decide if I liked it or not. What really bothered me was the tired feel of the “Restart”. I mean seriously, Time Travel and Alternate Realities… These are the things that really dragging down the Star Trek franchise. I guess some originality would have been too much to ask for. Thank god there was no “Q” from The Next Generation.

If you have never seen the original Star Trek television show, none of the other movies, don’t know who Leonard Nimoy is and are fans of Lost and Alias…. you will love this movie.

If you are a fan of Star Trek movies, you probably will like it, but will be kinda disappointed, confused and curious about where this is headed.

If you are a Diehard Star Trek fan, you LOVE this film. Not because it is a good film, but purely because it is Star Trek and your opinion is fully biased.

I wanna know one final important thing…. Who was that hot-piece-of-ass blue-suiter with the full-on hair-erection bun sitting over Kirk’s left shoulder in the final scene? I think I’ve found my latest obsession.

What did you think of the movie? Do you agree or disagree with my review? Let me know. I want to hear from you.

Tags: Movie Review by DaVe
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